It comes easy.

Sometimes it seems like people dance through life and pick up fortunate events; they are always being handed freebies. These people never have to try hard and they get the best grades, friends, kids, and jobs. These people just walk down the aisles of life with their "shopping cart of greatness" and load up all of the things that will make their lives great.

I know it is simple to look at these people and never see the work they do behind their rewards. However, sometimes they are even aware that they just got extremely lucky. Those people really make me angry. In case you haven't already gathered, I am not one of those people. I do admit, we lucked out and got an extremely cute baby, but in every other aspect of our lives, Sam and I have to work our butts off.

The reason I am thinking of this is because Sam still does not have an internship for this summer. Recruiting started in September and he has applied to nearly 50 companies. He has had a few interviews and no offers. This is getting extremely frustrating. Most of the other students in his program already have internships lined up. The semester ends in two and a half months and I am worried that he will never receive an offer.

Everyone tells me, "Everything will work out." This phrase is really starting to wear on me. I know that not getting an internship will not kill us, but I am worried that it may mean the end of Sam's career before it even begins. Tuition is expensive at Cornell. We came here so Sam would be able to get a good job. Without an internship, this may not happen.

A few students received multiple internship offers. I know what you are thinking, "Man, Sam must be dumb!" Well he is not. I promise. He is not overly confident in interviews though. He does not "sell" himself. If he does not get an internship, I have no idea what we will do. It will be so easy to slip back into summer sales.

The other students who received internships did not all get handed them without trying. I know that everyone who is at Cornell is here because they are smart and they deserve (if we are capable of deserving anything in life) to have good internships. I do not feel that Sam is any less deserving of this though.

It seems too arbitrary as to who gets an interview. I am so sick of the politics. I am tired of not being able to think or talk about anything else. I spend all day worrying about his chances without an internship. I wonder what we will do if he does not get one. I wonder why we are having this trial. I get angry at everyone who does have an internship. I want the summer plans to be decided.

I recognize that I am being whiny. I am trying to be more optimistic but I have been trying to be optimistic for six months. Hopefully this does all work out (my way, because I am the boss).


The Paxton Family said...

it must be SO frustrating to not know what will happen this summer! the future can be such a scary thing! i know, cuz there were a few weeks that jordan and i were living in his truck! it seems like we have had more than a few "fresh starts" but it is never easier when you are going through it! good luck and know that you are loved by many people and everyone is praying for you and will be there what ever happens in your future!

Kyle & Rebecca Monson said...

we'll be thinking of you guys. Sometimes life seems impossible. We are living with my in-laws while Kyle still searches for a job. Right now he is working as a operator at a engineering plant...and he is the ONLY operator with a COLLEGE DEGREE. Why isn't he getting moved up or getting better opportunities? He has had 12 interviews in 4 months and nothing to say of it. BOO.

Anyway, sometimes it helps to know I'm not the only one aggravated. Dont' these company's know we've got babies to care for and hospital bills to pay off!? haha...

Best of luck--Sam is a hard worker, someone needs to recognize those talents!!!

MeganandClaudy said...

all i can say is I feel ya sister. Hang in there.

Buck and Whitni Watkins said...

Em, I love you.
Don't get mad but for a little bit I thought you were one of them that got everything easy but I still loved you and then I found out you worked hard and I loved you even more.

:-) Its a good thing you have such an adorable baby to try and keep you happy.

Lcurls said...

pshh, k i look at you and am like, wow, she has a place of her own, an adorable baby, and she gets to go on trips. I never go anywhere. I live with my parent-in-laws, i haven't taken a trip since last may, and haven't been blessed with a baby( mostly cuz we don't have our own place) your doin good! I get frustrated a lot now- i've been looking for a job since the holidays ( i got laid off right before) and i totally blows. I suck at selling myself big time. I can relate that way for sure.

Lcurls said...

that and you can ALWAYS put your name on the prayer roll. Does amazing things:)

Jeff and Rachael Downs said...

Emily, keep on hanging on. I don't have much advice to give you, but I hope that everything works out for you. I know it seems hopeless and the future is unknown, and I can tell you I've felt this many times within the last couple of months...but somehow the end result turns out to be exactly what needed to happen (although it's not always what you thought it should be). It's so miraculous how our Heavenly Father knows exactly what we need. I hope Sam finds an internship. I'll be thinking of you...

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