It is not a rare occurrence that I say something before I think. This is part of the reason I am often labeled as "immature." Something I said two years ago just came back and knocked my feet out from under me.
Two years ago (2008) I was a newlywed living in Denver, Colorado. My older brother was dating a girl from high school. My brother and I were only one year apart in school and had many of the same friends. This girl was my stand partner in orchestra. We were in National Honor Society together. Two years earlier (2006), a few days before beginning my freshman year at BYU, she helped me find all of my books because she saw me wandering around the bookstore completely lost.
There had been wedding talk involving my brother and this girl and my mom called me and asked me what I thought of her. This is where three people say something they should have kept to themselves. I cannot remember exactly what I said but it must have come off as bad. Even though that was not my intention because, looking back, I cannot remember anything but good things about this girl. My mom then told my brother. And my brother told his girlfriend.
I remember they broke up shortly thereafter but I never attributed it to whatever version of what she had heard I said about her.
Tonight, she wrote me a message. She went to my brother's wedding. She wondered why she wasn't the bride in the line. I cried for a long time. I wish I hadn't said anything. I cannot figure out why I would have said something bad if I didn't really feel that way. I wish I could rewind and keep my mouth shut.
Then would my brother have married her? What about my new sister-in-law? I love her so much and wouldn't want any other wife for my brother. I think he could have been happy with either girl but it was his choice to make and I feel I took that choice away.
When am I going to grow up and learn to stop talking about other people? I want to be a good person, I promise. I know it is done now and I can't fix anything. I just wonder how many nights this girl has cried over a few flippant comments about something I knew nothing about and had no business involving myself in.
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