I have been MIA on just about everything in my life. I feel like I am only doing things partway. I am a tiny bit wife, a little mom, an almost non-existent blogger, itsy bitsy homemaker, and maybe a smidgen of a friend.
Someone decided that I don't already look like enough of a frazzled disaster with the boys running circles around me so I got a new calling: Relief Society 1st Counselor. Weeee! I think about ten people's heads just rolled across the floor that someone would call me to this. Especially with such a young baby. Not only do I have nothing to add, but I haven't been in Relief Society for almost a year and have no idea how this ward functions or what I am supposed to be doing.
I am worried that I won't be enough. I am spreading myself so thin and another very demanding thing means that I have to stretch even more. But I think that is exactly the point: I am not enough. That's why God helps.
When we lived in New York, I was a ward missionary. There was a lady who came to church one week and she was so cute and her daughter was right around Alex's age. I wanted to be friends so I started talking to her. She was investigating the church and later, when she found out that I was a ward missionary, she thought I had ulterior motives to talking to her (to "convert" her) and she didn't want to be friends anymore. I was devastated because that is not at all why I wanted to be her friend. I am worried that people in my ward will think I am only being nice to them because I have to.
The new President and 2nd Counselor were both members of the former presidency and know exactly what they are doing and how Relief Society works. I haven't been in there for months and, although I attend the activities, I mostly sit around feeling like I don't belong because I don't know anyone. I feel like there is a treadmill that is already going pretty fast and everyone else is on it. I'm trying to jump on but I don't know how to run yet. And every time I ask a question, I am left feeling very stupid that I didn't know the answer and had to ask in the first place.
I was talking to my friend about how I have nothing to contribute and she said that maybe I am the one who has something to learn and not just something to teach. So very true. This could get interesting. Lesson learned though: do not report your visiting teaching on the first day of the month.