I have been MIA on just about everything in my life. I feel like I am only doing things partway. I am a tiny bit wife, a little mom, an almost non-existent blogger, itsy bitsy homemaker, and maybe a smidgen of a friend.

Someone decided that I don't already look like enough of a frazzled disaster with the boys running circles around me so I got a new calling: Relief Society 1st Counselor. Weeee! I think about ten people's heads just rolled across the floor that someone would call me to this. Especially with such a young baby. Not only do I have nothing to add, but I haven't been in Relief Society for almost a year and have no idea how this ward functions or what I am supposed to be doing.

I am worried that I won't be enough. I am spreading myself so thin and another very demanding thing means that I have to stretch even more. But I think that is exactly the point: I am not enough. That's why God helps.

When we lived in New York, I was a ward missionary. There was a lady who came to church one week and she was so cute and her daughter was right around Alex's age. I wanted to be friends so I started talking to her. She was investigating the church and later, when she found out that I was a ward missionary, she thought I had ulterior motives to talking to her (to "convert" her) and she didn't want to be friends anymore. I was devastated because that is not at all why I wanted to be her friend. I am worried that people in my ward will think I am only being nice to them because I have to.

The new President and 2nd Counselor were both members of the former presidency and know exactly what they are doing and how Relief Society works. I haven't been in there for months and, although I attend the activities, I mostly sit around feeling like I don't belong because I don't know anyone. I feel like there is a treadmill that is already going pretty fast and everyone else is on it. I'm trying to jump on but I don't know how to run yet. And every time I ask a question, I am left feeling very stupid that I didn't know the answer and had to ask in the first place.

I was talking to my friend about how I have nothing to contribute and she said that maybe I am the one who has something to learn and not just something to teach. So very true. This could get interesting. Lesson learned though: do not report your visiting teaching on the first day of the month.


Andrea said...

You'll be wonderful!!! I feel the same way with my calling sometimes (RS night coordinator), especially when they first called me--i had only been in the ward for a month and my committee are all women who have been there for years (in the same committee!) and are friends. It was a rough go at first, but it got better and a bit easier. Chin up lady!! You are such an inspiration to me!! Sure love you.

jeanene c said...

The truth is that we aren't meant to be good at the jobs we are called to do. That way we grow as well as those we serve. The Lord is very good at doing 2-3 things at once. You bring a new view, fresh ideas, you get to know more people, and don't forget you should ask for help from them too. Love comes from service, both recieving and giving. It isn't a one way road. The Lord qualifys all of us. We don't come that way.

MeganandClaudy said...

You will do great. We usually get called to callings that aren't our natural talent, so that we can obtain it. I've felt that way with my last few callings like I'm already stretched soo thin, but the Lord blesses to be even better at fitting things in when you put him first. I was called to be the Comp. Service Coordinator right after Carter was diagnosed and I thought "I can't care about anyone else's problems right now!" But it's always what we need. And has worked out just fine and has helped me not think about my crazy/stressful life. Good luck!!!!

Jershelly said...

Wow. You do have a lot on your plate Emily. I don't think you give yourself enough credit though. You're doing better than you think. I learn a lot from you and I'm sure that those in your ward will too!

Sarah said...

Good luck sister! That is pretty insane for them to call you! I miss all your daily posts of your adorable boys... I guess that new baby takes priority over your readers... ;) Love you and hope all goes well for you this summer. You know what they say, if you get a calling your don't want, just move! ;)

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