I watched the video montage of Rachael's life today. I made it exactly seven minutes in before I started bawling. She was so cool! It is hard to believe that it was eight years ago that she died.
I like to think that only the good things still affect me but it's not true. Occasionally the feelings of fear outweigh the feelings of joy that come from a greater understanding. Little things like how I see a picture of a waterfall and I feel my stomach drop. I am two years older now than she was when she died. I am not nearly as awesome as she was. Sometimes people get honored in their death even though they weren't very great when they were alive because no one wants to speak ill of the dead. Rachael wasn't like that. Everyone loved her when she was alive and now everyone still misses her. Happy people just have that effect on the people around them.
I am proud to have Rachael as a sister. She is a good one.
I can relate to the "stomach drop" thoughts. I just have to remind myself how much she loved all those things of nature, and that helps me to turn those fear thoughts into happy thoughts. We are having 7-layer dip and ice cream sandwiches tonight.
ReplyDeleteI, too, have many of the same feelings of both fear and joy. I think she know this and helps those deep feelings of joy and love push the fear and sadness out. I still feel awe and respect for all of you in the way you have all dealt with this. I wish we could all help Seth find this. He still refuses to discuss her and hasn’t found any peace. Rachel would want us to help him find his way…
ReplyDeleteI love seeing her face!!!!!! I can’t wait to do it again!!!!!
XOXOXO