Gold

This is another one of those things that I might regret writing down. Even thinking about it still causes me anguish.

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For Christmas 2010, my parents gave us gold and silver coins. For us to use during the apocalypse, of course. I was grateful for them and also felt like we had a backup in case the banking system failed. Sam was in grad school at that time and we were so poor (like $30 in our bank account). We were able to make it through his time at Cornell and when we moved to Texas, I packed the coins in my purse and flew with them to our new home.

I hid the coins safely while we were in Texas. When we moved to North Dakota, I packed the coins in my purse and brought them to our new home. Then I put the coins in a really dumb place: my dresser drawer. I knew they weren't really safe there but I was almost always home. When I left to Arizona for Christmas, I asked Sam to hide them somewhere else. Then when I got back to Williston, I moved the coins back into my drawer. It was dumb. So dumb. I can't get over how unbelievably stupid I was. We move so much and I worried that if I hid them somewhere I never saw them, I would forget.

We didn't pack a suitcase when we moved this time because it was only two blocks and it wasn't necessary. I thought about our other valuables though. I looked through my jewelry box and decided there was nothing of value there so I left it for the movers. We moved anything that was fragile ourselves so there would be no chance of them getting broken. But I forgot to put the coins in my purse.

The movers came and started packing. One of them looked kind of high so I mostly stayed in the room with him. He just worried me. But the other two seemed fine. I wasn't able to watch all three of them at the same time since it was just me there and Sam was at work.

The movers weren't even gone when I realized that I hadn't packed the coins. I almost asked the man that had packed the dresser where he had packed them so I could find them quickly and ease my mind. But they seemed trustworthy. We had never had anything stolen before. I figured I was just being paranoid.

After they left, I started opening boxes like crazy. Sam came home during lunch to help as well. We found the silver coins and I was so happy... but we couldn't find the gold coins. It didn't make sense that we would only be missing the gold though. It seems like someone would steal both. So we kept looking.

Sam talked to the moving company later and mentioned that we couldn't find the coins. We were told we needed to make a police report before the movers arrived back to their office (the moving company was from Bismarck and had a four hour drive to get home) so they could be searched upon arrival. I called my parents to find out what kind of coins they had given us and also their value. That was when something that was bad got way worse. My dad told us that our six Austrian Philharmonic coins were currently worth a total of $10,600.

I went through the stages of grief and I feel like I still go through them again sometimes. I have times where I am devastated. I am so sad and feel ungrateful that I didn't take better care of my parents' gift. I am also confused because it doesn't make sense for a mover to steal the coins so I feel like they have to be around here somewhere. But I have gone through everything so many times. Then I also feel angry. So angry at myself for forgetting to pack them and angry at the person who stole them. I mostly feel dazed and confused. Why and how? How were the movers able to talk to me totally normally when one of them had just robbed us. But maybe he didn't rob us. Maybe he packed them somewhere and we can't find them. Except he doesn't remember seeing them. It is just so confusing.

I called tons of pawn shops and gold buyers both in Bismarck and in Williston to ask them to keep an eye out for the coins. We filed a police report. I have had many conversations with the moving company. They searched the movers and the truck and found nothing. We made a claim on our renters' insurance. Nothing can be fixed or undone though. Money is not insured by the moving company, even if it were just a roll of quarters.

I know it sounds ridiculous to be so broken-hearted about it. There are people who are dealing with real loss. But this has stripped me of feeling safe in my home; I don't trust people anymore. I am sure I will accept it eventually but I am still having a hard time right now. It reminds me of the scripture in Jacob 4:3. I wish I could learn through joy and not sorrow.

P.S. If you are a robber, don't bother checking my dresser drawer for valuables. I've learned.