Pregnancy Letter #5

Dear Subway worker lady,

Thank you for your concern over my choice of sandwich. However, mind your own business! The bread is not going to "upset [my] stomach" but if you don't back off then my fist may upset your face.

The end.



Pregnancy Letter #4

Dear Wedding Ring,

I miss you. Just like the rest of my body, my finger got bigger. You started feeling tight. As much as I wanted to keep you on, I am super paranoid. I don't want you to have to be cut off because I go to the hospital, die, and have to be zapped back to life (yes, that is the technical term).

Hopefully our separation will only be two months. I think of you often. Most frequently it is in a panicked state when I realize my finger is naked.

Until my finger goes on a diet, rest peacefully in your jewelry box.



Our Little Getaway

Sam had to go to Toledo for work and so I decided to make the 2+ hour drive with him. I just sat in the car and read/slept while he worked.

On the drive out there we had a little miscommunication...
Emily: I really like brick.
Sam: By Ben Folds?
Emily: Huh? No, like brick houses.

Sam argues that we were listening to a Ben Folds song and that's why he was thinking about it. But still! He is such a cute little dork!

We drove over a really cool looking bridge. It was hard to take a picture of though.

When he was done working we went to Del Taco! Remember how there is only one Del Taco in Ohio? I was so happy to go!

Del Taco is already white trash. Now imagine one in Toledo, Ohio. Yep. There was a guy on his cell phone the entire time that was talking really loud and said, "It's too bad when people die, man." Yes, yes it is.

It was a very long drive but it was fun to spend the whole day with Sam. Below is a picture of Sam trying to clean the car windows on our way home from Toledo. He was getting so angry because the bug guts wouldn't come off and he was making the cutest faces. Oh, I love him!


Sam's 28th Birthday!

Today Sam turns 28! I married an old man! But I love him so much. He really is perfect for me in every way and I could not be happier. In honor of his birthday, here are

28 Things I Love About Sam

1. He listens to every pointless detail of my boring day when he gets home from work.
2. He can be friends with everyone and they immediately like him. What's not to like?!
3. He eats my leftovers and whatever crazy thing I cook.
4. He is a genius! Cornell! Need I say more?
5. He is amazing with kids and will be a great dad.
6. He helps me make dinner.
7. He is a sexy beast.
8. He can make me happy when I am crying.
9. He puts up with my ridiculousness.
10. He enjoys reading!
11. He washes the pots and pans I hate washing.
12. He is close to his family and stays up to date on their lives.
13. He is willing to share everything he has with me (he bit a Jolly Rancher in half!)
14. We get along. Doing nothing or doing everything.
15. He tells me I am skinny even though I'm pregnant.
16. He calls me cute nicknames.
17. He folds the laundry when I ask him to.
18. He supports me in anything I want to do.
19. He never talks about me behind my back.
20. He married me in the temple.
21. His hand interlocks perfectly with mine.
22. He lets me cut his hair. And he shaves his face for me!
23. He drives on road trips so I can sleep.
24. He works hard so I can be spoiled rotten.
25. He helps me think of words when I can't think of the one I want. (See number 4.)
26. He always answers my phone calls. Even when he's really busy.
27. He keeps me safe and warm.
28. He tells me I am beautiful.

He is fan-freakin'-tastic. Truly.
I love you, Sam! I am looking forward to the rest of our eternity together!


I have the perfect dad for me.

My dad laughs at my attempts at Spanish. He served his mission in Spain. I really only know two phrases. One of those is "es el fin del mundo." Useful, I know.

Looking back on my experiences with my dad, I can't even believe how much he taught me.

He taught me how to work hard and to be proud of my work. And proud of myself.
He taught me to recognize the good others do.
He taught me to save my money.
He taught me that lawns should not been mowed in pretty patterns because it just makes the job even harder.
He taught me that there are at least a few competent people out there.
He taught me that even adults have close friends.
He taught me that men cry too.
He taught me that love is an action.
He taught me that you have to love your family, even if they are insane.
He taught me the importance of preparation.
He taught me that sometimes I shouldn't laugh quite so loud as other times.
He taught me how a father should treat a mother.
He taught me the necessity of keeping promises.
He taught me how to trust.

My dad has worked so hard my entire life. We were able to go on so many vacations as a family and I have many memories of our road trips.

I am glad I have been able to reflect on all Dad did just for me. I have gone so long without appreciating it. I am not sure if I will ever fully understand though.
Happy Father's Day, Dad! I love you!
Es el fin del mundo!


Eventful Evening

Sam and I had a very exciting weekend. We are kind of nocturnal during the summer. Here is a breakdown of our Saturday evening:

- Exercise
11:30pm - Shower and get ready
12:00am - Arrive at party
1:00am - Almost die from second-hand smoke and decide to leave the party
1:15am - Take another shower because the smell of smoke is disgusting
1:45am - Start watching a movie
2:30am - Get a phone call from a drunk coworker who says that a fight occurred between some other coworkers at the party
2:45am - Arrive at the "scene," watch one of Sam's techs get arrested for assault, try to figure out what had happened at the party
3:15am - Try to find the other person involved in the fight but the ambulance already took him to the hospital because his ear was halfway ripped off
3:45am - Get home, finish our movie, put laundry in the dryer
4:14am - Turn off our lights
4:15am - Hear banging on our front door. The tech has been released from jail but has to appear in court. Make fun of tech and tell him he is an idiot.
4:40am - Go to sleep. Finally.
8:30am - Good morning!

Moral of the story...
Drinking is stupid.
Drinking makes you stupid.
Drinking makes everyone around you realize you are stupid.
You are stupid if you drink.
Drinking makes you do stupid things.
I will make fun of you for being a stupid head and drinking.

The end.


Saving you from embarrassment

Redundant (adj.) [ri-duhn-duh nt] - unnecessary repetition in expressing ideas; having some unusual or extra part or feature.

I hear so many people say this and I can't help but immediately think they are idiots. So I figured I would help you out.

PIN = Personal Identification NUMBER.
VIN = Vehicle Identification NUMBER.

That means that you do not need to say "PIN number" or VIN number."




Sam always says, "I do what I want." Hearing it so often, I also picked it up. Now it is our reaction to almost everything...

"Did you leave the dishes sitting on the table?"
"I do what I want!"


"Did you just take a bite out of that block of cheese?!"
"I do what I want!"

This is the clip of the episode of South Park where "I do what I want" originated. It is offensive, but will give you an idea of the attitude that comes with the phrase if you are interested.

*Disclaimer: I do not watch South Park. I have never seen an episode. But even if I did, don't judge me! I do what I want!*

I have been thinking a lot about our future kids hearing what we say and then picking up on it. I am now convinced that we are going to have the most ornery kids in the world. This kid's first words are going to be "I do what I want." I guess it is time to start watching what we say!


Thoughts on Twilight

Can you believe that I read Twilight (and New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn)? I have been curious about the books for a while and a couple of weeks ago I borrowed them from my sister-in-law. I had heard some things about Meyer's writing, and I was worried that I would hate the books just based on that. I correct errors in my textbooks... so there was no hope for non-fiction. [No worries, Ellie. I didn't write in your books. I made mental corrections. :-)]

I tried to begin reading the books with an open mind. I have never really read fantasy before and so I decided I would accept whatever crazy thing happened just like I would while watching a movie such as X-Men. So that's what I did.

In the last year, I cannot even count how many times people have told me that I remind them of Bella. I even took one of those "Which Twilight Character Are You?" quizzes and the result was Bella. I knew nothing about her and didn't really care... UNTIL I read the first book. Bella is clumsy, plain, pale, and bookwormish. I was offended that I would remind people of her! I am definitely not clumsy. It is true, I rarely wear makeup but I don't think that makes me plain. I used to be tan before Utah sucked all the color out of me. I am from Arizona and I like to read. However, I am not a granola girl! If Bella were a real person, I would kick her butt.

Moving on...

I read books to get something out of them. Something that will help me become a better person. Even though I enjoy fun books too, I still look for the moral of the story. Although it may seem like I am reading (hehehe) too much into these books, I want to know the ultimate message.

Below are a few things I liked or did not like about the Twilight Saga:

1. The target audience
The Twilight series was not written for anyone above the age of... let's say 16. It was naive and petty. Although it was a fun story, it was frustrating. Why must everyone be a martyr? Yes, Bella, I understand that your life is miserable and you can't be happy. Solution: go wild and jump off cliffs and ride motorcycles even though you happen to be the klutziest person I have ever heard of. Sheesh. Dumb. Break-ups happen. It is true. Not everyone ends up with their first love. That doesn't mean you should be reckless/foolish and Meyer should be ashamed she is teaching teenagers that.

2. Morals
Maybe I am overly sensitive to cheating, but holding hands/kissing/exclusive-time-spent-with-a-member-of-the-opposite-sex-who-you-are-attracted-to is CHEATING! And Bella is a cheater face. Surely Jacob did not help her avoid the situation. Nonetheless, she cheated.

3. Gross images/violence
That freaky fetus that eventually became Renesmee freaked me out! Now I am going to have nightmares about this baby trying to rip and chew his way out of my stomach. Awesome. Thanks for the image. I really hope Meyer never continues these books from Renesmee's point of view. How much bad luck can one family really have? It has already gone too far, even for the overly accepting.

4. Resolutions
Breaking Dawn
was a bust. She spent 700 pages building up to something that never happened! The resolve was a disappointment. My only explanation is that she couldn't decide who would die. And someone obviously had to die if a battle ensued. Miraculously, it all worked out so that everyone could live happily ever after.

5. Editing
I don't expect anyone to be creative and a good writer. Meyer has definitely got the creativity part down. She needs to find a new editor.

6. References
Stephenie Meyer is definitely well-read. She frequently referenced great novels and even the Bible. Since the target audience is 14-year olds, I respect that she is attempting to instill in them a desire to read great works. Hopefully they can overcome their lust for Edward and actually read something else!

7. Alma Mater
Meyer is a BYU graduate. I am so glad that she was able to use her degree. So many people get degrees and then never use them. She did. And that is impressive.

8. An Underlying Message
The motif of "eternal" marriage. Edward was continually requesting that he and Bella get married before anything dramatic happens. That is unusual and I liked it.

9. Dignity
Meyer handled the honeymoon very well. She didn't allow the book to become pornographic and was respectful of the honeymoon experience.

10. Family
The motif of the importance of family. Bella and Edward both highly value their own and each other's families. After they were married, their first priority was each other and yet they still wished to be surrounded by their families. They each had very open (as much as possible in Bella's case) and trusting relationships with their parents.


Indians Game and Rain Delay

Sam and I went to a Cleveland Indians - Tampa Bay Rays game and there was a 2 1/2 hour rain delay after the 3rd inning! It took forever! And it was really coming down.

The game started at 12:05 and ended at 5:30. We had a lot of fun and Progressive Field is so nice! It feels really open and I liked it. Although, I was wishing that it was more like Chase Field (Diamondbacks) so they could close the roof and get on with the game!

The Indians ended up winning 2-1.

The fans were hilarious. B.J. Upton came to the plate to the chanting of "Uptown Girl" (very clever) and Evan Longoria became "Eva." Poor guy. He probably didn't have a problem with his name all growing up and then suddenly he has almost the exact same name as a famous actress. His parents never could have seen that one coming.

Here they are pulling the tarp off the field...

... And pulling it back on after a false alarm that the weather was clearing up. That definitely got booed.



Following my own footsteps as a student, I failed the gestational diabetes test! I got a 153 when the cut off is 135 (it's like golf, you want a low score). They said there was an 80% chance that I would have gestational diabetes. If gestational diabetes goes uncontrolled, it usually results in C-section but can have more serious consequences such as stillbirth or childhood obesity.

They called me and told me that I had to go take a three hour glucose tolerance test. Panic! I couldn't even keep it down for two hours last time and now I would have to keep it down for at least three!

I had to start fasting 12 hours before the test began so I started fasting on Wednesday night at 7:00 and we got to the hospital the next morning at 7:00.

They drew blood and then I had to wait for 40 minutes while they tested it to make sure I was in a normal range. Everything seemed fine so they gave me that sick drink again. I was gagging it down. I think I will forever hate orange soda now.

One hour after I finished drinking it, they drew more blood. And they did that again at two and three hours after I drank it. I had to go outside and lie down in the grass but I didn't throw up!

The test results came back today and...

I do not have gestational diabetes!


Hopefully that will be the last problem. I only slept for an hour and a half the night before the test because I was so worried! And not eating/drinking for 17 hours did not leave me very happy. Who dares tell a pregnant woman that she can't eat?! Someone with suicidal tendencies, that's who.


One for me, one for me!

Why the two sticks?

Do they really expect you to share?!


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