Where would she be now?

I have often asked myself this question about my sister. Where would she be now? What would she be doing? Would she be married? Have kids? Would she love Alex so much? Would she come visit us? Would she call me and ask how things are going? Would I call her? So many questions and what ifs. It isn't really worth it to even wonder. It just makes me cry and shake my fist at all thoughts of fairness in the world.

In the last five years since Rachael's death, I have changed in so many ways. I was starting my senior year in high school, and now I am supporting (not monetarily, just emotionally) my husband through his final year of graduate school while I rear our one-year-old child -- her nephew.

You can read what I wrote about her the last two years here and here.

About a month ago I received a small package from my friend from junior high/high school. Her dad is a high school math teacher and taught Rachael years ago. I was so touched that my friend's dad had remembered Rachael and then thought to pass along this card instead of throwing it away; I never would have known if he had, but I am so glad he didn't.

I am not sure where Rachael would be today, but I know where she is, and it is a lot of fun to look back at where she was ten years ago.

After Rachael died, I inherited her cell phone. I never changed her voicemail message. After five years, I decided it was time. Here is a recording of her voice, so it will hopefully always be remembered.


Buck and Whitni Watkins said...

I love you.

Jeff and Rachael Downs said...

I never knew her, but I always remember that first time we really met in Sign Language and after you you realized how I spelt my name and said, "That's just how my sister Rachael spells her name!" You always had good things to say about her, and I know how much you loved her. I think it's wonderful that you still think of her often. I love you.

The Paxton Family said...

you are such an amazing person emily! i have been so proud and grateful that i can call you a friend!

Rebecca said...

You are a sweet sister. :)

jonnajack said...

I never knew her, but I've admired her these last five years. Thanks for sharing. What a sweet tribute and testimony.

Andrea said...

you may think this is strange... but i was thinking about her today. Jace and i are moving and i found her viewing program. I saw it and then i remembered her funeral. I think i cried harder than your brother.
Its because i love your family so much, that even though i didnt know rachael personally...i knew she came from good stock.
I'm so glad shes in a better place and that we have the knowlege that we'll see her again. Love you ems.

Elena said...

I was having a bad day a few weeks ago, just remembering my brother and how he died and lame it is and I thought of you and how you coped when Rachael died. I almost called you but I don't think I have your number. But I just thought you should know that your example helped me cope a little better.

Bre 10-E said...

I just stumbled upon your blog through Ali Bowler's blog. I remember being in seminary our senior year and having Brother Gurr tell us about your sister's accident. I didn't know your sister and a barely knew you, but I felt a deep loss. I then remember you coming back to school and seeing you smiling. You were a huge example to me without even knowing it! I am glad I stumbled upon your blog and I agree, Rachael was taking care of Alex before he came to you. I am sure she loved him and is still watching you be such a great mom to him! We were never really "friends" in highschool but I do want you to know that you were an example and an inspiration to me, even through the hard times you had!

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