5.23.2011

Mommy's Adjustment

Before Edison was born, I wondered what the adjustment would be to having two kids. I had heard that it was even harder than the adjustment to one. And I agree with that. There are now three people I have to dress, three people to feed, and two little people to carry around and load into carseats.

The physical adjustment:
My body recovered remarkably well this time (according to me, not my doctors). Within a few days I felt back to normal. I had a hard time going from sitting to walking or walking to sitting but if I sat/stood still, nothing felt strange. My body temperature went back to normal quickly and I was complaining about being cold again after just a few days (I always felt burning hot during the end of the pregnancy). The strangest physical adjustment was that I had to learn to eat again. I had no appetite. I would go until the afternoon when I finally remembered to eat breakfast. That took a drastic swing in the opposite direction though. Edison is like a little alarm clock. Just as I sit down to eat, the timer goes off. That means that any time I can, I stuff myself because I am not sure when the alarm is going to go off. I am having a hard time losing weight because of this.

The mental adjustment:
It was so hard for me to ask for help. I wanted to be a natural at being a mother of two. But it didn't come naturally to me. I couldn't handle both of them and if something went wrong then I would sit around crying. Our apartment was a disaster and I couldn't get myself together enough to clean, shower, and cook in the same week, let alone day. I have some amazing friends who helped without me having to ask, or even after I told them not to help. It ended up being exactly what I needed and was very humbling.
My brain is a little mixed up. I get the boys' names wrong multiple times a day. Sam, Daddy, Alex, Edison; sometimes they all become one. I also have noticed that I cannot remember things I used to know. I sit around in a stupor trying to remember something. It is frustrating.

The parenting adjustment:
I started treating Alex like he was older than he is. I would get angry when he did something wrong. I was so impatient with him; he had one chance to do something right and otherwise I started yelling. If he threw food at a meal, I pulled him out of his high chair and put him to bed. It was really sad. It took a few weeks to relearn how to parent Alex with love. Alex has started helping a lot more. But sometimes he looks at me like he is afraid of me, and that look makes me cry.

The hardest adjustment:
It was hard for me to open my heart and love someone new. Alex was my best buddy. He was my dude, my near-constant companion. It took me a long time to love Edison. I am ashamed to admit it. I would look at him and say things like, "You came to a family who doesn't even want you. I don't even love you." It didn't help that nursing was so killer and I felt like that was all he wanted from me. I remember the day I fell in love with him. I was sitting in the park on April 26th, I looked at him, and realized I would do anything for him. He is so precious to me. Then I became angry that I didn't love him all along. How could I not have loved something so perfect?! We have a great relationship now. I admire every facial expression and every coo or cry.

I feel like I have learned a lot over the last two months. I am not perfect, or even close. But each day is manageable. I can find happiness through the screaming. I laugh it off when Alex wakes up Edison nap after nap. Somehow we all manage to get fed and dressed. The apartment is a little messier but it is still safe and Alex has room to play. Despite what I thought the first few weeks, I can do this. We are adjusting to being a family of four and it is cute. I like it.

7 comments:

This is Naomi! said...

You are so brave to admit thingsmthat other people might be upset or angry about. I didn't realize until Oscar was almost 3 months old that I had post partam depression. Then one day I could not stop hugging and kissing Oscar and I realized that I had not been loving him like crazy before that! I felt like a HORRIBLE mother!
And I have to keep reminding myself about how old Makayla is.
I can barely handle being a mom of 2 most days I know I could not handle more! And even though people keep bugging me about having another, and as much as I love kids and especially my children, being a mom is hard. And I have to focus on being a good mom to the ones I have. Major props out there to the women who can balance their lives better than me and have big families! They amaze me and make me feel like a bad mom all at once.
Long rant, sorry!
The moral is, you are not alone. You are an amazing Mom who is raising 2 amazing little boys and they are so blessed and lucky to have you as a mother! Remember to breathe, cut yourself some slack and pray.

Daniel & Carly Morris said...

You (AND your friend's comment above!) are SCARING ME!! haha...but seriously though. With this baby due in 3 & 1/2 weeks..I am starting to really get worried after reading your post! But at the same time, I am so grateful you were honest enough to write it! I love it when people are honest and frank...not just trying to play/be perfect and only write "popular" posts. Hopefully if I remember, I might be able to log some info like this as well. I am SO worried now that I will be mean to Dallin all of a sudden or that I'll have a hard time balancing/sharing my love between 2 little boys PLUS Daniel as well! And with how lazy and uncomfortable I've already been feeling...I hope I can at least get our apartment spic-and-span before he comes whenever! cuz I'm guessing (already before reading your post) I'll have a tough time keeping up after he comes...and not to mention the fact that even tho Dan is SO sweet and tries to be helpful...it doesn't always dawn on him to do the cleanup etc. that a wife/mom would do..ya know? Anyway, thanks for the heads up and good luck! :) you are a great lil' mommy! and I bet it's harder just cuz they are closer together than a lot of little kids are..that would make it easier (I think) to forget Alex is still younger..

Jershon & Shelly Lopez said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts Emily. I have no idea what life will be like with multiple kids, but I can only imagine that the sorrows will increase along with the joys. I think that you are a great mom. I have my down days as well (and I just have one!)...the days where I go to bed feeling like a failure, but then somehow I make it through that and little by little, I think I am learning a thing or two about how motherhood can make me better. I still have a long way to go though.

Noelle @ Mesa AZ Photography said...

Emily you are amazing!

I'm grateful to have you as an example in this motherhood thing. I read your stories so eagerly every time.

I am still adjusting to only one, but I can say that your daily goals start and end with those boys. You are doing fine taking care of them and I don't think you need to feel guilty about the other things that move to a back burner. Each week Edison will get easier and the other things will fall into place.

I know you already know this from Alex, but I thought maybe a reminder is always in order.

The Monsons said...

I love this post so much. I just love it. Thanks for writing Emily!!

charlie and kylie said...

Thank you so much for writing this post. I know we don't know each other well (maybe you don't know me at all :)) but I read your blog and love it!

I have been thinking and worrying about all the things you addressed in this post, and this gives me hope that when my second baby comes in December, I'll be able to handle it. It helps to know that other people struggle with the same things. I find myself thinking sometimes that everyone's experiences as a mother are always wonderful and I am the only one who struggles at times. Although I am sorry your adjustment was tough, THANK YOU so much for sharing it. I am inspired.

Melissa said...

Thanks for being so open! It makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only one who struggles. You are doing a great job!

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