8.10.2011

Paranoid

I don't feel like my life has been "carefree" for many years, but I have felt the weight of my paranoia a lot more in the past few weeks. I have the worst imagination. If I am ever sitting still and it is quiet, then I start imagining all of the things that could be going wrong. I decided to start keeping track of my paranoid thoughts. This is just from the last two days:

-Edison fell asleep really fast. Maybe he stuffed too much of his blanket in his mouth and suffocated. (He is always eating his blanket.)
-Edison won't go to sleep. Maybe he broke a toe with all of his kicking.
-Could Alex's head fit through his crib bars? Maybe he is stuck but can't scream because he crushed his neck.
-If someone came into our house and killed Sam and me, how long would it be until someone missed us? Our kids would have starved to death by then. (Sam and I discussed this one. We wish we had neighbors who visited us and would miss us.)
-If this carseat fell out of the grocery cart, how would Edison land? Oh no! His head would get smashed!
-If our house caught on fire right now, I would have to run outside with no shoes on and then I'd burn my feet on the sidewalk. I need to put on shoes.
-Ah! When was that library book due? (I don't have a book checked out right now.)
-Another toy car thrown at Edison's head? (Seriously, Alex?) Now he has brain damage and is going to die.
-My house is such a mess. Someone is going to report me to CPS and take away my babies.
-What if I turn on the car and forget to open the garage and then run inside to grab something?
-I asked Alex to bring me the letter A magnet from the fridge and he brought me a Q. He is never going to learn anything.
-If I leave Edison here and go to the bathroom, Alex will probably trip over him and Edison will die. I guess I better hold it.
-Did Sam lock the door when he left?
-Was that a man's voice I heard coming through the baby monitor?
-I am forgetting something. It was really important and now I can't remember what it was.
-Is there still water in the bathtub? Oh no, where's Alex? (There has never been water left in the tub.)

This morning, Alex ate some Desitin. I laughed about it and told Sam. He asked if the label said it was dangerous. I read it and it said to call poison control or go to the emergency room immediately if ingested! I called poison control and they weren't concerned at all. But I didn't even think to read the label!

I overreact to the wrong things. I have a bad imagination. It is going in time out.

8 comments:

Melissa said...

So funny! I used to think my mom was strange because she worried about stuff all the time, but now that I'm a mom I worry about everything too! Also, I would notice if you stopped blogging/facebooking! Please don't die :)

Reimstar said...

Would you be mad if I told you I was literally lol at this list?! Sorry! Truth is I get pretty paranoid myself. Don't worry I think its a sign that you're a good, caring mom. At least thats what I tell myself :)

Janelle said...

I'm glad you have an active brain. Think of it as planning ahead for unknown situations. Just keep a calm head while thinking about it so the adrenalin doesn't attack you. Pretend like you're Spock. (Do you even know who that is?) Think logically and clearly now so if any kind of emergency ever really comes, you have already made wise decisions while you were level headed and don't have to make them in a crisis.

Elena said...

It's all about frequency and intensity. If it happen so frequently or so intensely it disrupts your life to a degree you can't live normally it's a problem. My sister had to have this talk with my dad after an abnormal psych class. She was sure she had all of these mental illnesses because she did some/all of those behaviors. So just remember. Frequency and intensity :)

Matthew & Laura said...

I am afraid to write down my paranoid thoughts. They are the worst when Matthew is out of town, I am home alone and have been watching Criminal Minds until late at night. Why is it always women home alone that get kidnapped on that show?

I hope you like the Maze Runner. Its not as good as Hunger Games but I still liked it. Let me know what you think!

The One Klar said...

I laughed SO hard throughout this entire post. I swear, Emily, when I get married and start having children, I'm going to refer to your blog, and you, all the stinkin' time. This post was great. So awesome. And mostly because I can totally see a lot of women worrying about those kind of things. We are crazy. It's great. Love you!!

jeanene c said...

Shell Silverstine wrote a poem about that, something about a 'what if' crawling in his ear. It is from a kid's view but still so true. I put mine into fictional reading. Not more useful but at least I have a good vocabulary.

Rachel said...

Yeah, either we're both normal, or we're both psycho. Actually, I think we're just both moms. I've had many of the same thought processes. It was super funny to read. I'm impressed you admitted all of this in a blog--so awesome.

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