I don't feel like my life has been "carefree" for many years, but I have felt the weight of my paranoia a lot more in the past few weeks. I have the worst imagination. If I am ever sitting still and it is quiet, then I start imagining all of the things that could be going wrong. I decided to start keeping track of my paranoid thoughts. This is just from the last two days:
-Edison fell asleep really fast. Maybe he stuffed too much of his blanket in his mouth and suffocated. (He is always eating his blanket.)
-Edison won't go to sleep. Maybe he broke a toe with all of his kicking.
-Could Alex's head fit through his crib bars? Maybe he is stuck but can't scream because he crushed his neck.
-If someone came into our house and killed Sam and me, how long would it be until someone missed us? Our kids would have starved to death by then. (Sam and I discussed this one. We wish we had neighbors who visited us and would miss us.)
-If this carseat fell out of the grocery cart, how would Edison land? Oh no! His head would get smashed!
-If our house caught on fire right now, I would have to run outside with no shoes on and then I'd burn my feet on the sidewalk. I need to put on shoes.
-Ah! When was that library book due? (I don't have a book checked out right now.)
-Another toy car thrown at Edison's head? (Seriously, Alex?) Now he has brain damage and is going to die.
-My house is such a mess. Someone is going to report me to CPS and take away my babies.
-What if I turn on the car and forget to open the garage and then run inside to grab something?
-I asked Alex to bring me the letter A magnet from the fridge and he brought me a Q. He is never going to learn anything.
-If I leave Edison here and go to the bathroom, Alex will probably trip over him and Edison will die. I guess I better hold it.
-Did Sam lock the door when he left?
-Was that a man's voice I heard coming through the baby monitor?
-I am forgetting something. It was really important and now I can't remember what it was.
-Is there still water in the bathtub? Oh no, where's Alex? (There has never been water left in the tub.)
This morning, Alex ate some Desitin. I laughed about it and told Sam. He asked if the label said it was dangerous. I read it and it said to call poison control or go to the emergency room immediately if ingested! I called poison control and they weren't concerned at all. But I didn't even think to read the label!
I overreact to the wrong things. I have a bad imagination. It is going in time out.