What I will NEVER do when I am pregnant

All semester I have been working on a group project for my psychology of gender class. It is a group of 4 girls and 2 boys. One of the girls was a complete flake. Let's call her Jessica. So Jessica only came to one meeting and did not participate in planning the research at all. On Monday we all planned on getting together to run through our presentation since we were presenting on Tuesday morning. We get to the meeting... no Jessica. So we check our email and ten minutes before the meeting started she sent out an email that said, "Sorry guys. I won't be able to make it to the meeting. I am not sure if you knew, but I am eight weeks pregnant and nights are not good for me." We had no idea she was pregnant!

The next day was the presentation so we emailed her the part she was presenting. The next morning in class we waited to present last because we were waiting for her. She never showed up! So finally someone presented her part for her.

During peer evaluations, all three of the other girls rated her as inadequate (the only options were adequate and inadequate). Being rated inadequate by two people lowers your grade. Later that day we get an email from Jessica that says, "Thanks for being so understanding guys. I know I don't deserve full points, but you didn't have to rate me that way... I tried to help all that I could, but I really am sick, and unless you've been pregnant, you probably don't know what kind of sick I am." [This is copied directly from my inbox.]

I was furious when I read that. So being the rude person I am, I responded: "I understand that you feel sick and you have another life besides your school life. However, we were grading you based on your effort on the project and not on how sorry we feel for you."

She has not been to class since.

So the point of this is that when I am pregnant I will try my best to never use it as an excuse to ignore my responsibilities or get people to feel sorry for me. I will not use it to get out of anything.

I know that some people get really sick when they are pregnant. And there are certain times when you do not feel up to doing anything and you just want to stay in bed. But Jessica did register herself for classes. She did not tell us that she felt sick at night. And she did not work enough for the grade the rest of us received. I am worried for her child if she believes everything should be fair in life.

Update: I have offended a good friend because of this post. I would just like to reiterate that although I do feel sorry for her and I wish she did not feel sick, I graded her on her effort on the project. Everyone has things going on in their lives. Her "illness" does not entitle her to a good grade.


Anonymous said...

So if she had come to the meeting throwing up you woudn't have had any compassion at all. And if she had come throwing up to class you would have made her stay to present. Maybe she didn't plan on getting pregnant when she signed up for the class. And if you were in her position, if you couldn't leave your house because you were violently sick, wouldn't you want a little help and encouragement. Being pregnant is supposed to be a joyous thing and maybe you ruined it for her. What if she regrets having a baby? How dare you judge her?

Jason & Shannon said...

Hahaha! I would have been so upset! What a dumb girl, life is hard for everyone, you don't have to be pregnant to be sick. Haha, you are not a mean person for emailing her that. She deserved it!

Also, come to the relief society activity on Tuesday night!

Geneva said...

I support you in that decision. If your preggers and going to school, be prepared for the grades you deserve.

Candi said...

Emily, I feel you. I don't like flaking people in my group. but since we are both members lets hope for the best for Jessica :) Its good to read about your life, cant wait to keep up with it.

you will have to check my blog out too:

ARICA said...

..ouch, girlfriend. that could be you in the not so far future. but i do understand your point.

Camille Elise said...

I cannot BELIEVE she thought she was actually going to get a good grade or good evaluation from you guys or the teacher for her participation and input. I whole-heartedly agree with you. She seems like a spaz. She should have told you guys earlier for sure. If i was her (which I wouldn't be), I wouldn't show my face around class again because I would be horrified at the way I let my (YOUR) group down. Tisk, tisk.

Lauren said...

I agree that she deserved the grade she got...sometimes life happens, and even if she didn't plan her pregnancy when she registered for classes...it happened and sometimes you have to face the consequences. Ted got an F on one of his assignments because he missed it on the day we got married...but it was our choice...so he took the consequences.

I love you Emily! This is your blog...say what you want! But...I know from experience that blogging can also hurt feelings. It's tough :)

Danielle said...

I totally agree with you Em! People who feel "entitled" to anything make me crazy. Life isn't fair sometimes, but in this case, it totally was. It was her choice not to come to class, her choice to become pregnant, and her choice to enroll in classes in the first place! Grades should not be awarded based on pity and there is no special curve based on your personal circumstances. I don't get a +5 points on everything because I am up late crying over my soldier in Iraq, she shouldn't get a +5 points for being pregnant! The grade is only about the work and effort she put in. And that is all. Not about outside circumstances. And I think that all of life should be the same--we should be rewarded and punished according to our actions, not according to some other set of factors. At the very least she should have called the morning of the presentation to let you know she wasn't coming!!! At the very least!
I have a friend that thinks that because she is pregnant she doesn't have to work to support herself, and that it is okay to use her grandparent's money and house for free. (She knows I don't approve of this.) I think that when you become pregnant you should be financially and mentally prepared and independent. You should be ready to bring your child into a stable world, financially and emotionally. And if you can't do that, you shouldn't have kids. Period.
I know this is super passionate and some might find it offensive, but I think the first quality of a parent should be responsibility. I agree, Em! I will try to NEVER Ever use pregnancy as some sort of excuse to get out of my responsibilities or seek attention!

Kelly Merrell said...

HEY! How are you? I haven't read this post yet, sorry, but YOU WENT TO DISNEYLAND? Yeah! I am so jealous. How fun! So, don't you get so soaked on Grizzly River Rapids! We wear ponchos now. And, I'm so proud of your Astro-blaster score. I kicked Dave's trash too. It must be a girl thing!

Photography By Jo said...

Hey Emily! I just found a link to your blog and thought i would drop say hi! Hope you are doing well!

April said...

I COMPLETELY agree. I am sorry, and frankly I might end up doing that too when I get preggers. But seriously, it's no excuse. And what's even more annoying is that at schools like BYU, ISU, the U etc... women do this ALL THE freekin time.

If she's going to be a mom she needs to buck up and not ignore her responsibilities because she had morning sickness. I've known gazillions of pregnant people, and they aren't throwing up 24/7. Since the dawn of TIME women have gotten pregnant and they still had to tend the fields or whatever.


Nathan and Hailey Frogley said...

Oh Emily... sure she deserved the grade she got, that's that. But show a little compassion for the lady. I bet just for this post, you will be throwing up 24/7 when you are pregnant. (there are people who do, my sister in law to be one):) But I still love you and look forward to your recipes!

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