1.18.2011

Muscles

Sam will be graduating at the end of May, and despite his many efforts, he does not yet have a job lined up. This same thing happened last year when he was looking for an internship. He did not receive an internship offer until about a month before we were to move to Allentown.

Last year was extremely difficult for me because I could not understand why he was not receiving an offer. I am not present during Sam's interviews but I have heard him on a few phone interviews and he definitely seems qualified, competent, and impressive.

Being a planner, it is difficult for me to not know where we will be living in six months or if we will even have a place to go. I am sure Sam will get a job one day, but it is obviously preferable that he has one upon graduation.

This has been a hard trial for me to understand. Last year, I felt like I improved a lot with relying on faith. I thought that trial was over and I never expected to repeat it. I have been thinking about this experience as if it were working out a muscle. Last year, that muscle got really worn down. It had time to repair during the summer and I thought it was really strong. But then the job search started and, although the muscle was stronger to start with this time, it is getting worn down again. One day, I am sure this muscle will have time to repair again. When that happens, I hope to be able to help someone else who is going through this same thing. Because believe me, I understand!

I know what it is like to have no control over my life. I am not the one sitting in interviews. A rejection to Sam hits me as if it were a rejection of me. And I take it personally. But I didn't do anything to deserve the rejection! I know what it is like to have no idea what is around the corner. I know what it's like to hear everyone else talk about their future plans and not be able to join the conversation. I know what it's like to have a husband who doesn't want to see his friends from school because they repeatedly ask him how the job search is going. I know what it's like to worry about paying for groceries.

Last semester, Sam applied to over 30 companies. He got first round interviews with twelve of those companies. He got second round interviews with seven of those companies. And yet, no offers.

Nietszche said, "Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torment of man." Each time I start looking up apartments in Denver, Austin, Somers, or Philadelphia, Sam either gets rejected or never hears back from the company; I am not sure which is worse.

I know there are people who have much harder lives, but I wanted to record my feelings and "hope ya know,
we had a hard time."

Thanks for sending me this video, Dad!

5 comments:

Sarah said...

I certainly don't envy your situation, but I know that it will probably be our reality in a few years. One of Steven's friends, who received his Master's Degree in Art, applied to over 130 jobs in one year before he was hired as a professor. Even though our situation right now is not ideal, I'm trying to enjoy it, because I know it could get pretty rough in two years when school is over and we're faced with the job search. Art professor jobs are few and very hard to come by. Good luck to you and Sam, and don't give up faith. Maybe when we're in job search mode and I'm stressed out of my mind, I'll be able to read your blog and find strength in how you guys handled it. :)

P.S. Your video of your son searching for his Dad was adorable.

Lindsey Layton said...

I too hate feeling like I have no control. Good luck with everything! it's bound to work out :)

Kendra said...

So sorry you are struggling. I'm sure the added stress of pregnancy is adding to an already stressful situation. I know it will all work out. Mike and I say this to each other every night before we head to bed. Best wishes to Sam and to you!

Sarah... said...

Hey girlie. I appreciated this post. It's so nice to know that we aren't alone. Jonny and I are in the same boat right now... It's hard to see him come home time and again with no leads. It hurts me too! I just keep telling myself that the Lord has a plan for our family, and maybe we just have to wait for the timing to be in "our" favor. But, sometimes his time table just takes too long! HaHa J/k Hang in there. It will work out, when the time is right.

P.S. Love this video. Jonny and I have watched it a couple times. Thank heaven for a prophets voice. Love ya :)

Katie said...

Emily, you are so inspiring! Thanks for being such a good example to me :-)

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