The Mommy Workout

I've been working out a lot recently and I wanted to share my wisdom so that other people will appreciate me and know how much effort I put into getting my smokin' hot bod!

Here is my daily routine:

1. Wrestle one extremely stinky 22 pound weight. 5 reps a day. At the end of this circuit, the weight should be less stinky and weigh only 21 pounds.
2. Squat to pick up 21 pound weight. 602 reps a day. Squat to set down 21 pound weight. 602 reps a day.
3. Five minutes of isometric (applying a force to a resistant object) getting-dressed sessions each morning and night.
4. Sprints. Always done unexpectedly and usually to keep the weight out of the road, off the table, or away from the oven door.
5. Catch things before being hit in the face by them. Unknown number of reps at unexpected times.
6. Do hair while in a lunge position, with foot on top of the toilet lid, so that the weight does not go splashing in the water.
7. Vacuum the apartment. One or two reps a day, depending on the hyper activity level of the weight. The weight will try to climb onto the vacuum during this entire set or the weight will follow you around and stand exactly where you plan to vacuum next.
8. Bend over to pick up food off the floor. 5 sets of 30 reps a day.
9. Dance around to awesome music and teach the weight how to be cool like Mommy. Repeat as necessary.
10. Flex the orbicularis oris muscle. Repeat as many times as possible each day.

This is why sleep is so precious! I spend my whole day at the gym. Now I get to look forward to working with an even heavier weight so my muscles can get even bigger and sexier. Ooh la la.